Certain Death for a Successful Mission
by uncle T
Summary: Naruto, Sasuke, Shikamaru, Chouji, Kiba, Shino, Neji, and Lee, now chuunin and grownup, will put their life to an end for the sole purpose of completing a certain mission. It may seem absurd, but for boys that have reached that 'age', it IS everything...


_**The Mission that Guarantees Success but Also Certain Death**_

A/N: Ookay, most of you guys may not like this at all coz it lacks so much things like the humor, the details, grammar and spelling (I don't care anymore since now English had been too globalized), and not really that perverted yet it is… Hmm, Anyway, I added a little footnote after the story just so it serves as an epilogue or some sort,, apart from that, dun think there are other things to say,, well, just enjoy reading it, if you don't enjoy, then just flame me whatever, or not, if it's too troublesome for you guys to do it…

Disclaimer: I so do not own Naruto, if I did, it won't be fucking interesting, yeah? (Deidara style)

Well anyhoo, let's get it on with the story... of the greatest mission ever!

* * *

"Okay everyone, this is it! This is the moment that we've been waiting for. Before we commence our mission, any last word? Because you all know that since we ARE gong to die, this will be the last chance to back out. Yes, Lee, what is it?" said Shikamaru 

Lee, who had just raised his hand, moved forward a little bit to show himself up to Shikamaru. He tried his best not to look nervous. "Yes, actually I've been thinking whether or not we should initiate the plan. I mean I don't doubt your plan and strategy, Shikamaru-san. But… I thought so, I don't think I can do it after all…"

Suddenly the surrounding fell quiet. Every person started to murmur and discuss what Lee just said. Overall, there are 8 people hiding behind the shadow of trees. It's night time and they were waiting anxiously for their mission to begin. They were wearing fully black ninja attire unlike their usual clothes because this mission's very special. Among the people, they are Uchiha Sasuke and the other boys from the Rookie 9 including Lee and Neji.

"Lee, trust me, this plan will succeed although you must be prepared to die of course. I mean I can guarantee the success of my plan if everyone just follow accordingly, however I may miscalculate something or simply put, if you don't put your heart into it, I can guarantee that this plan will most likely to fall. Feh, we're going to die anyway, so at least we could die with a success rather than die a shameful death, right?"

"Shikamaru-san…"

"Shikamaru, let's not waste any more time than we have. And Lee, decide already if you want in or out, this is the most important mission in our life! At least I think so…" said a boy with long silky hair and white eyes as the moonlight made its way to the boy's face to reveal his pearly white eyes.

"Neji…" Lee's face twitched a while and then he said, "Alright, count me in! As a Konoha shinobi and first and foremost a man, I do not turn my back on missions and duty!" Lee's eyes were glaring with fire as he came to his own self.

"Alright that settles it then, any other last word?" Shikamaru asked looking around to check if someone else had a saying in it. Then another hand was raised. "What is it, Naruto?"

"Ano sa… I'm just wondering, how come you haven't said 'it's troublesome a single time ever since you accepted this mission?" asked Naruto while it also made the other heads to turn toward Shikamaru

"Naruto… It's too troublesome to answer that and I think we're ready to head out now… Any more last words? No? Okay let's move out!" Shikamaru said obviously trying to hide the reason why he hadn't said it's troublesome every time.

A little while later, on top of a cliff,

The team just arrived and they all stopped a moment to catch their breath. Their surrounding was filled with steam and they can feel the hotness around them. Suddenly a white and thick smoke appeared for a moment as it revealed a man behind it. He was very tall with spiky hair and he was also holding a big scroll on his back, the moonlight made it hard for the team to see his face; however they already know who he was.

"Right on time, boys… Who would have imagined that this day had finally come? The day where you all would become real men!" the man said with a voice filled with pride.

"Ero-sennin, cut the crap… Let's just do this, dattebayo!" Naruto said in his usual mocking and cheerful self

"Feh, who do you think you're talking to, brat? Now let's see, Shikamaru, Chouji, Neji, Lee, Sasuke, Naruto, Kiba, and Shino… I see everyone could make it, I feel even more proud to you guys! However, the test hasn't even started yet! Now Shikamaru, I expect to see a satisfactory result out of your leadership, and everyone, I expect to see your mad skills out there! Don't disappoint me now as I didn't teach you guys for nothing! Kakashi, Asuma, and Gai are also looking forward to your performance!"

"Feh, it's such a pain to have a female jounin as your teacher, right Shino?" Kiba grinned at his fellow teammate

"… I guess…"

"Now that I think of it, where's Akamaru, Kiba?" asked Jiraya

"I left him home, this is just not for him, beside, he'll be much happier especially with that female dog he just recently met!" Kiba responded with his usual beast grin although you can see sadness in his eyes. Yes, the boys' mission this time is the hardest for them, hell, it might even be graded as an SS-ranked mission!

"Alright, alright, we have wasted enough time now. Jiraya-sama, if you don't mind, we would like to start now. Can you start recording now? Although it's too troublesome, but I'd like to say something like a last testimony of some sort, because I don't know when I'll have my last words be recorded" Shikamaru stated lazily but the other nodded as Jiraya took out a scroll and opened it wide. After that, he took out another scroll with markings in it and performed a single hand seal and tapped the marking on the scroll, as soon as he tapped it, a smoke came out and after the smoke had dissipated, it revealed a brush and a bottle of ink.

"Alright, anyone other than Shikamaru wants to have a last testimony to be written? Who knows this might come out in Konoha's history books? Although I highly doubt it, but it's worth it I think." Jiraiya said calmly as he sat down, with the opened scroll in front of him and a brush ready at hand.

"Yeah, I'll start…" said Sasuke, everyone just glanced over at where he was standing coolly with his hands in his pockets. Surprisingly, Naruto didn't start an argument as he, even more surprisingly, acknowledged Sasuke even more since this was his last mission with Sasuke together.

"Very well, you may start, I'll write and then you can add your finger marks below it just to show proof that it's yours." Jiraiya said still with his brush at the ready.

Sasuke kept a silence for a few seconds and he began to speak, "For everyone who will read this testimony, I, Uchiha Sasuke, may very well die in a few minutes that follow. To Itachi, if you ever read this, you should know that I don't give a damn about killing you anymore as I had found my real existence in this life. I have found the 'light' and the path for me. Bear in mind that I still don't forgive you for what you had done, but my hatred as an Avenger is, to say the least, gone. Lastly, this mission, I hope everyone will one day see it as the greatest mission ever, and then decide to erase all the stupid hokage's face off the rock and replace it with ours, with me in the middle if possible. Sayonara. Uchiha Sasuke."

Jiraya finished his last sentence and looked up, "Who wants next?"

This time Naruto took the initiative and glanced at Sasuke for a moment, he smirked when Sasuke returned it with a smile and he turned back to Jiraya. He began his last testimony.

"Uzumaki Naruto, and this is my last testimony. To all the villagers that have been treating me like trash, fuck you, that's right, fuck you! F.U.C.K.U! FUCK YOU! Okay I think that's enough (cough). To my fellow companion, we shall die hard. As of a few minutes from now, we shall commence our mission that will eventually lead us to certain death. However, I don't regret my decision as this is even more important than being Hokage. I will certainly miss Ichiraku Ramen, but who knows? I may get unlimited ramen servings once I reach Heaven. One last thing, I hope that this mission will bring the light that has reached us to the rest of the village, as this light is salvation and peace itself. To make a long story short, just BELIEVE IT, DATTEBAYO!!!"

Then just like a marathon, the next person followed in succession and told their last testimony.

"Hyuuga Neji, born into the branch family of the Hyuugas. Ever since my father was taken away by the Main house, I have always despised the Main house. Even after my fight against Naruto in that chuunin finals. However, my eyes had been cleared. This 'light' had taught me to forget about my problems, and as a matter of fact, I am no longer troubled about the branch house or main house anymore. I'm free! Although this mission made my freedom short, but I am more than willing to give my life away to repay the 'light' that has given me total freedom. I have broken free from my destiny! No, THIS, is my destiny! To do everything possible for the cause of the 'light'! With my fellow companions, I will die a peaceful yet honorable death!"

"Aburame Shino, I will die for the cause and will take all my bugs with me as they are most loyal to me. Shall I die or live, I will definitely not see the light of life ever again. So, I guess I'm prepared to die afterall."

"Inuzuka Kiba, I just want to say a final goodbye to Akamaru, I am so sorry for not taking you with me, but if you ever came with me, you'd just die a meaningless death. This mission isn't for you, Akamaru. Apart from that, I wish you live a happy life and let's meet each other again in the next life. I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise; I guess I won't be coming back in one piece after all. Good bye, Akamaru."

"Rock Lee, I will die a youthful death with my companions! I shall not quiver and runaway from the front as that is my way of ninja! I shall make you proud, Gai-sensei! Konoha's Beautiful Green Beast shall prove how youthful he is by successfully completing this mission! UOOOOO!!!"

"Akimichi Chouji, man… I'm hungry… you got snacks with you, Jiraiya-sama?"

"Nara Shikamaru, it's too troublesome to say my last testimony but I guess I gotta do it since I don't want to just disappear I guess… Well, what to say? I'm ready to die? Aaah, forget it, in the end it's still too troublesome…"

"Alright, that's it, I've recorded your last testimonies, and now, I think I shall let you commence your mission anytime you want."

The team took their last peaceful breath altogether and exhaled at the same time. After they inhaled and exhaled one last time, the all put their chuunin vest on top of an all black ninja attire just like the one that Sandaime wore when he fought Orochimaru during the chuunin exam. After they have put their chuunin vest on and checked their preparation one last time, they all lined up in a row facing down the cliff where their view was blocked by a very thick pool of steam.

"I guess this is it huh? How troublesome…"

"Well, I guess I'll see you later in Heaven, eh, Shikamaru?" said Chouji smiling at Shikamaru, who just smiled back.

"Kiba… I just want you to know that… it's been fun having you in the same team. I hope we will meet again in the other world if we were to truly die a meaningful death, huh?"

"Shino… Hahaha, yeah, likewise!" Kiba just smiled at Shino

"It's a little bit regrettable that I still haven't beaten you even once, Neji… But if we were to meet again after this, let's have a good fight! I shall win with my undying youthfulness!"

"Hmph, just don't die before me, Lee…" Neji smirked

"Oi, Sasuke…"

"What is it, Naruto?" Sasuke said still looking down the cliff

"Although I least enjoyed your company during when we were still genins, but I can't say the same now…" said Naruto glancing to Sasuke

"Hmph, stupid idiot…" Sasuke smiled and Naruto returned it with his trademark wide foxy grin

After a little while, Shikamaru looked at his watch and showed a hand sign that meant to put on their masks (like Kakashi's mask, you know da one that cover below yer eyes? Yeah dat one…) then he said, "Okay, we will begin in 2 minutes. It's troublesome to say this but, don't get killed easily now…"

Everyone just smirked at Shikamaru while Jiraya stood and looked at the backs of the boys when suddenly three figures appeared behind him. It was none other than Kakashi, Asuma, and Gai. The only one who noticed their appearances was only Jiraiya as Shikamaru and the others have complete trust in Jiraya for watching their backs but also because Shikamaru and the others couldn't care less about whose behind them anymore, because they were fully prepared to die...

5 more seconds before their mission starts…

4…

3…

2…

1…

0!

Shikamaru's eyes suddenly widened and he yelled loudly,

"**OPERATION PEEKING, FEELING, GROPPING, LICKING AND SCREWING KONOHA'S FINEST KUNOICHIS WHILE THEY ARE TAKING A BATH IN THE HOTSPRING BEGIN!!"**

As he said those final words, everyone dashed down the cliff with a very thick pink chakra (which you should know represent men's pervertedness) passed the thick steam and straight to the other side of the 'final battle' where death awaits them. And thus, their mission was recorded to the smallest detail by Jiraiya-sama while he just let burst of tears flowing down his cheeks as did the other jounin, namely Kakashi, Asuma, and Gai…

* * *

...Their mission was recorded as the MOST PERVERTED mission ever that also gained the title of SSS-ranked mission (unofficially by Jiraiya). Their last testimonial was also shown in form of copies in adult stores all over Konoha and their history has greatly influenced the younger generation of Konohagakure as they sometime used bits of the last testimony as motto ( you know, like uh, the picture of Che Guevarra and stuff ya digg?). Then, one last thing about their achievement was that their mission was a complete success with a certain death just as predicted. 

...Sasuke's request of putting their faces instead of the Hokages was of course denied, but some part of the village (of course the men) decided to carve Sasuke and the other brave men's faces in another part of the village, a monument dedicated for them was also built and everyday people will visit it.

...After a majority vote, the men that have died from that mission, all received posthumous promotion, which happened 10 years after they were buried next to the former Hokages (although many opposed this, most notably the female and some male population, but it was overruled by only 2 votes, go figure who). Hence, going through alphabetical order:

-Aburame Shino, _Special Jounin_ (for his wonderful skills of using his bugs you don't wanna know what he did, so moving on );

-Akimichi Chouji, _Jounin_ (for his determination and amazing skills with his Baika no Jutsu);

-Hyuuga Neji, _Special Jounin_ (for his wonderful use of Byakugan which helped him to evade certain death for just a little bit longer);

-Inuzuka Kiba, _Jounin_ (for his wonderful sense of smell which allowed him to locate the kunoichis well and his bestiality skills, impressive!);

-Nara Shikamaru, _Special Jounin_ (for his wonderful leadership which allowed the success of the mission as well as for his mad skill of Kagemane no Jutsu);

-Rock Lee, _Jounin_ (for his youthfulness during his mission and uh, his mad taijutsu skills which allowed him to take more than two kunoichis at the same time);

-Uchiha Sasuke, _Special Jounin_ (for his mad skills most notably the ever so powerful Sharingan and because he was one of the two men that screwed every kunoichi at least once);

-Uzumaki Naruto, _Special Jounin_ (for his mad skills with the use of Tajuu Kage Bunshin no Jutsu which not only screwed every kunoichi at the same time, but also for his mad endurance which gave the team half an hour longer to live after their completion of the mission.)

...The Kunoichi that were victim of this mission are unknown (identity and whatnot).

...The fellow kunoichi teammates, namely Haruno Sakura, Yamanaka Ino, Hyuuga Hinata, and TenTen stopped being a shinobi ever since the death of their teammates. Their whereabouts and life are currently unknown to the entire world. We do not know where they were at the moment the mission began. Rumor has it that they were taking a break in Konoha's finest hotspring with their fellow female teachers and Godaime Hokage, Tsunade Hime-sama. The truth of this information is debatable, as some witness saw them walking downtown Konohagakure talking about their teammates.

...Godaime Tsunade-sama retired mysteriously after the mission and was succeeded by Jiraiya-sama.

...END OF REPORT


End file.
